Now, I have to spill a secret. I’ve always admired older men (not in a creepy way though). I have had crushes on my professors back in my college days. And, when I say "older," I mean guys who are 10–15 years older than I am and not the "old" retired type.
I am always drawn to them; maybe it is their maturity or the way they express their opinions on difficult topics and challenge me mentally, or it is the way they carry themselves, or maybe it is because they are already self-sufficient.
Some people tell me that I may just be looking for a father-figure, but I am not. There are a lot of good reasons why some women like me prefer older men, and I am going to enumerate some of them here.
Reasons Why Women Date Older Men
- They are more experienced and cultured.
- They are more financially stable.
- They are better at pleasing women.
- They are looking for more serious relationships.
- They have a more sophisticated taste.
- They are great cooks.
- They live a healthier lifestyle.
- They do not go out and party as often as younger men.
- Psychological and biological reasons
There are many women out there who seek out and build relationships with older men, so much so that there is a term for it in the western world, the May—December romance. While many people may look down at couples that have a significant age gap between them, there are some very legitimate reasons why women seek out older men to have romantic relationships with.
Why Is It Called a May—December Romance?
The use of the term May—December romance to describe a younger woman dating an older man comes from European culture. The phrase makes use of metaphors of the seasons, with May representing springtime when a woman is her youthful best and December representing the start of winter when the man is past his prime.
Why Women Find Older Men More Desirable
1. More Experienced and Cultured
Men are like wine: they get better with age. Their experiences in life, at work, and in previous relationships have taught them a lot of life lessons to make their situation better than before. They are more mature and understand that things don’t always happen the way they want them to and so they are more understanding and patient with their partners.
They know what they want and they go for it. They are very confident and so they carry themselves very well, especially in public. They are generally well-mannered. They have been to several places in the past and so they know a lot of things about other cultures.
2. Older Men Are More Financially Stable
Let’s face it; most women look for men who can support/contribute to them financially. It is all about practicality. When you start a family, for example, it is important that the man is able to provide security. A self-sufficient woman will not easily settle for anyone who doesn't earn at all. For some women in the poorer regions, they seek out men who are capable of supporting themselves because they are the ideal partner. They will not settle for a man who has no job because life is already difficult for them as it is and can't afford additional mouths to feed.
Now, from a logical perspective, a typical guy in his late 20s will have fewer savings, less wealth, and fewer assets accumulated compared to what he'll become 20 years later. That is considering that he continued to work and save as he gets older. In this regard, an older man has enough assets and money in the bank to support a family. This is why some women go for men who have stable jobs instead of those who are still generally starting with their career when they are planning to start a family. You don't have to be rich, no, this article is not about that at all.
I am not saying that women should depend on their partner financially, no. In fact, I admire women who stand up for themselves and accomplish a lot of things on their own. But, some societies consider it ideal for women to stay at home and take care of the kids and for the husband to work to support the family.
3. Older Men May Be Better in Terms of Pleasing and Treating Women
In my opinion, older men have had their fair share of both short-lived and more stable relationships, and this gives them a bit of an advantage when it comes to handling relationships. Their previous experiences have helped them learn what women generally want and what makes women happy.
Not only do they know more in bed, but they also understand women a little bit better. They are also more sensitive to their partner's needs. Older men tend to be more romantic as well. They have a good sense of humor that does not involve shaming their friends or other destructive behavior.
Just think about it for a second: older men have had the time to develop and practice their skills at pleasing women. This experience makes a big difference in comparison to younger men who have not yet put in the same amount of work when it comes to treating and pleasing women.
4. Older Men Generally Look for a Serious Relationship
Men mature much later than women, and normally middle age in men is the age of maturity. This is where they seek a more stable and healthy relationship. This is the age where they usually have pieced their life altogether, and they are now ready for a more serious and deeper commitment.
Women who are tired of short-lived and immature relationships can find a more satisfying and more stable relationship with an older guy than a guy in his late 20s for example. Younger men are still at an age where they love to explore and try different things before settling on something more serious.
So, if a girl feels that she is ready to tie the knot, or if she is ready for a serious commitment and ready to start a family, a younger man in his late 20's is just not the right person for her.
5. Older Men Have More Sophisticated Tastes
When it comes to the finer things in life like wine, food, beer, traveling, and clothes, older men tend to choose the better quality ones. First, they can afford it (although it doesn't really have to be expensive) and second, they just know that it is good. I repeat, it doesn't have to be expensive. For example, my partner always tells me to buy undies made of cotton and so I have learned to make it a habit to always read the label before I purchase anything. It doesn't matter if it is $4 or $50, if it is 100% cotton (read the label carefully) it is the same quality actually.
They also know that when it comes to food and drinks, quality does not always come with a hefty price. You don’t need to eat at a 5-star restaurant to be able to enjoy your food. You can find an affordable place that serves 5-star quality food and drinks with much better service as well.
Me and my partner often cook our own food when we travel. We both love going to the local market and buy our own stuff. That way we see more of the place, we talk to the locals (although it is difficult sometimes given the language barrier but the experience is well worth it) and we get to find huge deals. We also contribute directly to the local economy and that's a very good thing. We rarely go to expensive restaurants because food there is not always satisfying especially when you can both cook nice food.
When traveling, older men avoid touristy places because they know that they won’t get authentic products for the right price and they won’t be able to enjoy the scenery with the entire crowd roaming around. They are happy to sit in one corner where you can have all the views for yourself. Now that takes careful planning, timing, and experience. Older men as experienced travelers, know that.
6. Older Men Are Pretty Good in the Kitchen as Well
I love to cook and I am very good at it, but I am still always amazed at my partner because he can cook very well. I find it very sexy when a man knows how to cook and not just a simple dish like boiled potatoes and fried eggs. I mean some dishes like beef bourguignon, potato au gratin, Indian curry, lasagna, and stuff like that.
I really admire men who can cook and fend for themselves. It is quite seldom for younger guys these days to be self-sufficient, especially in my own country. They always rely on their mothers to cook for them and take care of all their needs, and that is not my cup of tea.
7. Older Men Generally Live a Healthy Lifestyle
They love to drink wine and beer and yes some of them smoke as well, but they know their limitations. The only time this is not the case is when they are having difficulty coping with their own problems which I believe is an exception because older men can generally handle their issues because they are mature enough to solve them.
Older men also tend to have at least one or two sports that they really enjoy doing. They maintain an active lifestyle apart from the office. They like spending their money on things like travel and spare parts for their car or bike and not on gadgets and game consoles which the younger men are more inclined to buy. My partner for example, recently bought a new GPS device from the Garmin brand and we used it when we went hiking in Greece. It was really worth it.
They also understand the need for relaxation time, and they do not feel the need to constantly push themselves into exhaustion like so many younger men. Instead, they take a more focused, laid-back approach.
8. Older Men Are Less Focused on Partying
I am not a party girl, and I never liked parties and big crowds in the first place. Even in my teenage years, I was like an old woman in a young woman’s body. Younger men tend to like parties, booze, and loud music and I just can’t bring myself to relate to them even if I force it. I just don’t like it.
I also don’t find myself enjoying the company of younger men and talking to them endlessly because their choice of topics does not jive with my interests. I find their topics a little bit shallow for my taste. Younger men usually talk about girls, cars, technology, and gadgets. Older men, on the other hand, can talk about politics, religion, sexuality, economics, relationships, food, and travel which are exactly my interests.
Older men also tend to realize that the kind of party-heavy lifestyle many young men focus on is unsustainable and not good for one's health. This goes hand-in-hand with their focus on living a healthy lifestyle. Instead, they tend to enjoy the company of their good friends, in social settings where everyone can be heard and interesting conversations can take place.
9. Psychological and Biological Reasons
There are a few psychological and biological reasons why women are attracted to older men, particularly women on the younger side who are still in their 20s or early 30s. From an evolutionary perspective, men can remain fertile longer, and thus an older man who has survived has accumulated more resources than a younger man.
The fact that the man has made it that far in life also is a clue that he has good genetics and robust health, making him a desirable mate. Remember, that in prehistoric times men would not live all that long, so the ones that did were more likely to pass on their genes.
Dating Older Men
In my experience, once you start dating an older man the guys within your age bracket become either immature or too dumb for you.
Some of my friends do not understand why I like older men but they really don't care as long as I'm happy. People I don't know and who don't know me at all, on the other hand, are always the ones quick to jump and think I am a gold-digger. But no matter what people say, I just can't force myself to have a fulfilling and healthy relationship with a guy close to my age. Either they are too immature for me, too boring, or too serious for my liking.
I find older men to be perfect for me. My partner right now is 15 years older, and I am so happy. He is constantly supportive, and he encourages me to be the best version of myself. He teaches me how to handle my finances and how to see life in a different perspective. I too, sometimes put him in his place if he is about to go way over the top. It is a mutual respect, really.
Although it may be a bit difficult to keep up with his pace sometimes, I believe I am where I should be. I don't need to make people understand, but I want to make things clear: some women may just be too smart or too mature for younger men to handle.
Potential Issues Dating Older Men
While it is true that I am happily in a relationship with an older guy now, there are some potential downsides to be aware of. Older men can be insecure about their age, and so they try to date younger women to make themselves feel younger. This type of behavior is apparent right from the beginning so use some caution when you're first getting to know an older guy.
Make sure that you are able to maintain your independence and don't let him control you. This is another issue that older men may have: the need for control and power. Since they are used to doing things their way, they may struggle with having to give up some of their decision-making to you.
A healthy relationship requires mutual respect, and some older men may not be willing to give that to you. Instead, they just see you as a prize or an object. Make it clear from the beginning that you will not tolerate that type of treatment.
Another potential issue is the generation gap that exists between you and an older man. Having a large age gap of ten years or more could make it difficult to connect over shared cultural values, but don't let that discourage you! There are plenty of great older guys out there.